English Sexy SMS

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop" 

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Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake. 

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Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long." Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it." 

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Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass? A: Because they’ve got big mouths and little dicks. 

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Boy sees his mom and dad having sex! Dad says "were making you a brother" Boy replies " do her doggy style I rather have a puppy". 

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A boy goes to a strip club. His MOM gets angry : Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see? BOY: Yes, I saw dad! 

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Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

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 Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common? A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!

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Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex? A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source=:)

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Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off? A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time! 

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Sex is like math. Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don’t Multiply!

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Sex is like a misdameanor, the more I miss it, da meaner I get

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Q: How do you know if you have a high sperm count ? A: If she has to chew before she can swallow.

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 Q: Two potatos are standing on a corner, how can you tell which one is a prostitute? A: The one that says IDAHO!

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Q: What did the penis say to the condom? A: Cover me im going in! 

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 A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?" 

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Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.

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Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle? A: Because his wife died!

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Q: Three words to ruin a man's ego...? A: "Is it in?"

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 Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

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 Q: What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? A: I want you inside me!

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Girl: "Hey, what's up?" Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"